“I could stay lost in this moment forever
Ooh, every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure”

At 26, I’m realizing that I don’t really know what my passion/passions are.

I’ve done what was expected of me – go to college, get a job, make money, grow my 401k etc, but I’ve never really explored what truly makes me happy. As a result, I’ve fallen into a pattern filled with unhappiness. I go to a job that gives me constant anxiety. This anxiety leads to stress, which triggers my stress eating habit and resulted in gaining 30 pounds in the last year. This weight gain has led to a diminished self-esteem which leads me to be depressed. In my depressed state I come home and plop on the couch and watch hours of TV or stare into my phone until I fall asleep. Then, I repeat the cycle all over again the next day. I’m not certain when it started, but over time, I began living my life in a distracted haze.

The last few months have made this all too apparent.

The week of my birthday, my oldest friends’ mother lost her battle with cancer. Where was I? Probably somewhere stressing about a job that brings me money but no happiness.

The following week my cousins’ mother also lost her battle to cancer. When was the last time I reached out to her? Couldn’t tell you because I’ve been too focused on myself and wallowing in my own pity.

Two weeks after that, my friend called me to tell me that he was contemplating suicide. What had I been up to? Probably editing Instagram photos to attract people I don’t know to a blog I’m not even sure they’re going to read.

The number of times I’ve cried in the last 2 months is more than I can count on my fingers and toes (that’s at least 20), but if nothing else these experiences have taught me what is really important:

1. Self-fulfillment/esteem/actualization
2. Personal Health
3. Relationships

Little by little, I’m making changes in my life so that I can focus on these three things.

What’s most important to you?

Que-so Goodbye, 

Jessica