The other day, I was re-reading a past blog to get some ideas about what to write about next. As I was reviewing my writing about The Core 4, the 4 environments where we create overwhelm, a topic popped into my head - how to eliminate overwhelm.

High-achievers have a close knit relationship with overwhelm. So much so that it feels normal 🙃.

We were raised to be apart of and excel at multiple activities at once. Being idle was almost unheard of in our households. That made us the driven, successful, high-achievers that we are and at the same time, it taught us success and/or our worth can be measured by how much we can manage and how well we can juggle multiple things at once.

As we've aged, not only do we continue to pride ourselves on being able to juggle a lot, we also secretly pride ourselves on the ability to appear to do it well.

Appear being the operative word.

In this blog, I'll walk you through the root cause and anti-dote for the high-achiever's overwhelm and the 3-step process that will help you remove overwhelm to create a balanced and intentional life.

The High-Achievers Overwhelm

When most people see a high-achiever, they see a very well put together human.

You dress well, you have an impressive job (or retired from one), you are well-paid (often exceeding six-figures), and you live in a nice place (usually with more rooms than you need because you "want to have space for other people to stay" even if people rarely visit). You might even have adventure-filled social media profiles full of travel pics, brunches, and outings that are admired by others.

What people don't see are all the meals picked up from a drive-thru or the bank statement full of retail stores and restaurant, the slowly expanding waist-line from eating out, the number of times you overthought a project that looked like a slam dunk, the nights spent working til 2am, and the anxiety that comes with maintaining a steady flow of accomplishments.

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For the high-achiever overwhelm is often hidden behind a picture-perfect portrayal.
No one sees the weight you carry to be who you are.

Your home is full of things you don't really want or need. All of them hidden nicely behind drawers, cabinets, and closets. Yes, I'm talking about you in your office making sure the mess isn't visible on a Zoom or Teams call.

Your schedule is full of obligations to help others and participate in dinners, brunches, and other commitments. Even though you put on a smile, you'd rather decline so you can actually get some rest.

Your bank account is full of charges from your favorite stores, restaurants, and airlines which makes life feel full, but when you return home you often feel empty.

You work day is full of work you think is required of you (because someone asked or other people don't seem to step up) and you complete it without complaint despite spending your nights and mornings dreading work the next day.

You're carrying the weight of who you think you are expected to be while also trying be who you desire to be.

It's too much.

When your life is filled by what is expected of you, it leaves little room for you to be who you desire to be.

This creates a life that looks good, but doesn't feel good. One that is successful, but not fulfilling.

To create a life that is fulfilling not just full high-achievers must learn how to balance what is expected of them with what they desire for themselves.

How to Break Free From Overwhelm

The anti-dote to overwhelm is balance.

Balance is not a 50/50 split in your decision making.

Balance is a focus on identifying what helps you to maintain a sense of "mental and emotional steadiness".

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For the high-achiever, overwhelm is the result of allowing the expectations of others to outweigh their personal desires.
Creating balance means learning to choose what supports the life you desire more frequently than you choose what you feel obligated or expected to do.

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Creating balance is a 3-step process I refer to as the 3Rs Method:

1. Review - identify how you create overwhelm.
2. Respond - eliminate the overwhelm.
3. Reflect - create boundaries to avoid overwhelm and maintain balance.
   
   

Step One: Review

Overwhelm is created through our thoughts, actions, and the environments that surround us.

In this step, you will identify your Burnout Cycle - the pattern of what you think, do, and have that creates overwhelm in your life. When you identify this, you'll learn the cycle of habits that cause overwhelm and often take you from overwhelmed to burned out.

To identify your cycle, click here to download a free workbook.

Step Two: Respond

In this step you'll begin sorting through your environment to remove what overwhelms you.

You'll distinguish between what you allow out of expectation or obligation and what you desire to allow. Once you've clarified these details, then you will take the necessary steps to remove what exists out of expectation or obligation. This will allow you to release what overwhelms you and dedicate space to what you desire, thus creating balance.

Step Three: Reflect

Once you've created balance, your goal is to maintain it.

In this final step, you'll reflect on what you've learned from assessing your environment to create boundaries. These boundaries will become a guide for how your interact with yourself as well as others. You'll also identify how to communicate your boundaries to make it easier to maintain balance in your world.

Let's take a look at an example.

Eliminating Overwhelm to Break Old Habits

A client of mine, Karyn, worked with me to remove overwhelm in both her home and her personal time.

Both environments showed the same pattern - a belief and feeling that she didn't have permission to pursue what she desired.

Karyn had 3 habits that were creating overwhelm in her life - overcommitting, overthinking, and overconsuming.

Growing up, she had often done what she was supposed to do - tennis, golf, and excelling in school, but when the time came to do the things she wanted, she felt paralyzed. This often resulted in spending hours watching television.

In adulthood, this pattern continued. Karyn often found herself spending time watching Netflix, scrolling through her phone, and committing her personal time to the needs of others, despite her desire to dedicate time to exploring her own interests.

Together, we worked through the 3Rs to remove overwhelm and create balance.

1️⃣ First, we completed the review step, identifying how much time and space was committed to her burnout cycle.

2️⃣ Second, using the guided reflections, she reflected on what overwhelmed her time and home and what she desired. Together, we developed a plan to remove the overwhelm and create balance.

3️⃣ Third, we created a time block schedule and shopping guides to create boundaries and support her in continuing to carve out time and space for her needs and hobbies.

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Ultimately, she carved out:

🚲 19 hours per week for hobbies like biking, reading, television watching, and spending time in nature. She supported this in her home by purchasing items related to her activities, like a Bluetooth speaker she used to listen to audiobooks and spend her time reading rather than watching television.

🧘🏾‍♀️11.5 hours for journaling/meditation. She supported this in her home by creating a dedicated meditation space in her room.

In total, a little over 30 hours per week were dedicated to her own desires. 

With more space and time dedicated to your desires, what would you finally have time to do?