I'm a top performer.

I graduated high school at the top 10% of my class. I only made 1 B in my entire college career. My first full year in corporate sales, I won a trip reserved for the top 8% of sellers in the country.

Just a month or so ago, I did a little thing and hosted a conference.

I am no stranger to "success"

I am however a stranger to self confidence. Knowing everything that I've accomplished, I still struggle to think highly of myself.

I often wonder why?

How can someone accomplish all that I have in a lifetime and still be shy or in disbelief of what they can achieve?

My first thought is that its because I am a perfectionist.

But really, its deeper than that.

Growing up, my parents wanted the best for me. Both of them grew up in the country to parents who never even finished middle school. No one pushed or challenged them. No one told them what they were capable of. No one fueled the fire for their dreams. Yet somehow both of them went on to go to college and seek out all that this world had to offer.

So it makes sense that when I was born, they poured everything the world taught them into me. The world taught them the value of a good education and working for a stable company. The world taught them that if you work hard for that company, they will reward you with a nice retirement package. The world taught them that was the recipe for success.

As a result they drilled good grades into me. Applauding me for A's and asking why when I brought home B's. They would review my homework and tell me it's good, but I think you can do better. They would shun any inkling of mediocrity until it appeared it had been weeded out.

For that I am thankful, but I am also struggling.

For every applause of what I did right, there was an equal mention of I could have done better. That mentality is what keeps me from feeling like it wasn't enough.

Earlier I said, I did a little thing. That is such an understatement. Actually, I hosted a conference that was 98% self-funded in a city that I don't live in. I spent a year saving up roughly 10K and put it all into my dream. People from various parts of the country came to experience Visionary and it was a huge success.

So who cares, that I accidentally booked one of our activities for the wrong date? Who cares that the day of, I didn't even have all the materials ready to go? Who cares that I said things I hadn't even rehearsed in my keynote speech?

I do, but I'm trying not to.

I'm trying focus on what I did right or well. Like planning an event in Denver while living in Dallas. Like planning tourist activities and transportation for a large group even though I have no event planning experience at all.

I didn't just do a little thing. I did a big thing. I did something I should be proud regardless of how I may have fallen short.

I'm a conference host and no one can ever take that from me.